Bodily functions and other Ickyness.

I can't remember If I mentioned it in previous posts but I was in quite a serious accident several years ago.

I won't describe the accident but I was in a bit of a mess afterwards. While it wasn't life threatening I'd smashed myself up pretty badly. While I escaped having a full body cast, my mobility was basically non existant with lower and upper body injuries so I couldn't even shift my weight around in bed without assistance.

So as all my posts are about sex.... where you might ask does sex come into this?

Well to start things off I was lucky with both my friends and my then boyfriend.

To be honest I didn't really see him as a long term partner. I strongly suspected at the time (rightly) that he was cheating and I was looking at ending it.

However as soon as he arrived on the scene (he'd been on exercise and got back a week or so after I'd been injured) he was there for me totally.

Anywho lets have a look at life in a hospital ward. Well for starters it was a German Hospital which is so much better than practically any other hospital in the world. So I lucked out there.

By ward it was only one in the sense of 4 person rooms grouped together. The Doctors were really good though I didn't really take to the nurses...at the time I found them a little severe plus there was the language barrier.

But that's where my Boyfriend and mates came in. Once the catheter came out, simply having a pee became an ordeal lasting quite a while, and when I finally managed to Poo that was a nightmare as well (intravenous drips, no fibre in my diet, and the indignity of having an enema).

My boyfriend was able to logically work out how to shift me into position so he could take my weight so I could use a bedpan.... though it was actually a two person job, one to hold me and one to position the bedpan.

While urination was bad enough the joys of medically induced constipation made No 2s a nightmare, but my mates and boyfriend hung in there. The nurses were actually impressed and just let us to get on with it, beding visiting time rules as it took a high maintaince patient off their shoulders.

Some of the other patients were envious I think. They were restricted to having to wait for a nurse where as I always had somebody to hand.

Later there were the sponge baths... Less sexy than they sound... My Boyfriend certainly didn't get anything from it. I prefered him to do it than my mates but still it was a two person job at first.

After a while the two of them were able to get me into the shower... which was a big thing, because if you've only had sponge baths for over a month, a shower feels like heaven.

Around this time my mate suggested it might be an idea to do something for my boyfriend.I hadn't really thought about it, but it did occur to me that he didn't hae to do a fraction of the things he had. I had various Obgyn issues, so I wasn't going to be having sex for months though sometimes I still got horny, I couldn't stand to have anything rougher than a cloth on my sex.

He'd been on his best behavious spending all his free time with me... There's been no hint of him looking at anyone else (which was remarked on by all).

Anywho one day in the shower my mate discretly left and I proceeded to give him a blowjob...

It was an asbolute disaster, Considering he was pretty highly sexed I kind of took it as a reflection on me that I couldn't get him hard let alone get him off.. I felt pretty shit afterwards... He made all sorts of excuses but at the end of the day getting a blowjob from someone in a wheelchair wasn't his scene.

So I was in the dumps for a while...I was starting my physiotherapy and starting to get my mobility back. My mate hit on the idea of casts aside trying to tart me up.. So out came the wax strips... As well as my waxing my legs my pubes needed to go...

I'd shaved my pubes since I was a teenager so when they grew back they were like wire... I got a bit of tut tuting from the Obgyn when she saw me next (women obgyns are far more judgemental than me) but it was worth it as my boyfriend liked what he saw...

tbc

I want your opinions (all six of you)

I demand some interaction from my massive readership... I realise that I'm a bit of a mong when it comes to the layout of the blog but hey... computers and I don't get on that well..

I also realise I'm a bit of a lazy moo when it comes to posting...

Anywho I had given up on this blog untill I started thinking about this bloke I shagged years ago...

I was chatting with a mate on facebook recently, (indulging in my hobby of Re-evaluating my sexual history) about this guy we knew when we were in the army. Well actually I shagged him a few times but..

Anywho he was a pretty terrific bloke and pretty shit hot in bed, he'd said at the beginning he wasn't looking for a relationship but after spending a bit of time with him I was starting to think it was my loss. So after a few nights we finished on pretty good terms.

The thing about the army was that everybody knew everybody else’s business even though I asked him to be discrete I fully expected everybody to know when we got back to camp. But this guy was so secretive, and I wasn't telling anyone cause I'd broken my own rule about not shagging anyone on camp.

Anywho nearly a year later I'm drinking with some a mate and some other girls that were in same garrison and he came up in conversation, and one of them blurts out that she'd shagged him. Someone else had been making jokes about him being gay he didn't have a gf and nobody ever saw him with any women.

So then another one of my mates blurted out that she'd shagged him as well, and so on until we realised (and I know it sounds incredible) that of the 8 of us there he'd shagged 5.

Everybody said the same thing it lasted a few nights he said he didn't want a relationship and he wanted to keep it a secret. In my case he hadn't really had to encourage me cause like I said I'd always said I wouldn't shag anybody on camp.

So at first we got pissed although as we thought about it he was a good guy. Probably the only one any of us had met in the army that could keep a secret from his mated about who they were shagging. Any other bloke would have boasted to everyone he met about shagging another squaddie.

There was one slightly creepy aspect to it he was given to taking knickers as souvenirs. When he whipped mine of me (I was in a really good mood) I kind of figured they might end up in a drawer with a load of other womens but I didn't realise how big the drawer would have to be and that they would be filled with my mates.

Anywho anybody else ever come across a guy like this. Secretive not given to boasting or kiss and tell. In all the blokes I've met I never even heard of anyone like him. When I think about it now I'm even more curious...

Following Discussion (stop following) | edit post

The results of letting my Boyfriend choose my Underwear.

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I held out on sex with my first boyfriend for a lot longer than the majority of my friends. It was kind of hard on him in a way because his previous girlfriend had been giving him all the sex he wanted (as well as all the sex several other guys wanted).

Anywho while we did various other stuff there was no vaginal or oral sex (or god forbid anal) for the first year of our relationship, but I tried to do various other things with him mainly masturbation, once he understood the whole 'no sex' rule I tried to be as accommodating as I could to him. Not so much out of kindness as the fact that half the girls in the school were sniffing around him.

So one of the things I ended up doing was wearing this Horrible Thong he'd bought me. It was just what a teenage boy would buy, I mean what little there was of it seemed to be designed to cause maximum discomfort, plus since to a high school student it cost a lot of money he wanted to get the maximum use out of it, so instead of just wearing it when we were snogging I'd end up having to wear it to school most days.

We used have a routine where we'd meet up in this spot before school, the first thing he'd do when he got my hand up my skirt was feel for the Thong rather than try to finger me, and he used get so disappointed when I wasn't wearing it.

I used to end up handwashing the fucking thing at night, I was wearing it that often plus I was too embarrassed to put it in the wash.

There was one slightly positive experience at that point, I was changing one day and one of the girls started taking the piss out of it saying it was slutty, I just shrugged it off and said it was a gift from my bf, when I looked around I realized she was jealous, like I said not many teenage boys were in the habit of buying undies for their girlfirends.

After a while I got in another routine. After we met in the morning before school I used just nip to the toilet and get the fucking thing off, whatever the funny feeling off going commando it was a pure relief compared to having to wear what felt like a wire web, I think it actually formed my preference for not wearing knickers.

On a stranger and more sentimental note when I joined the army he of course insisted of my bringing it with me. I thought I'd be embarrassed if anybody saw it, but compared to the choice of underwear a lot of the girls in my troop wore it fit right in.

I got kind of teary one night, I'd had a shitty day I missed home I missed my bf, I put it on when I went to bed and I felt better......

Blogging and my lack of Self discipline.

This blog is getting to be a bit of a struggle. I seem to be getting all of the negatives and few if any positives. I get the feeling of insecurity of posting intimate experiences on the internet, but not the feeling that I'm interacting with people about them.

In a way it's good to put incidents from my past into writing they seem more vivid in my head after I do it, but really what's the advantage of afterwards posting them?

Anywho I've read through some of my previous posts, actually my last one kind of shocked me... before I actually wrote it I didn't realise it sounded as bad as it did..

Also I think my spelling/punctuation/grammer might be putting people off... As the Americans say 'stay in school kids'

Sex and Violence...

I'm not a violent person but.... lol there's always a 'but' when someone feels the need to point out they're not violent.

But I have occasionally ended up in fights... I don't think being in the army made me any more prone to violence... but I think fights and such were more acceptable socially... I know that sounds weird but it was the army...

I'm still a little bit confused about this experience so rather than trying to articulate my motivations and feelings at the time... I'm just going to describe the events as clearly as I can...

I was in a bar one evening in Germany, with my then bf and some of his mate. Socially it wasn't really my scene plus the bar was a bit of a shithole.I was getting a bit tired of it to be honest, the blokes were looking to move on to a club so I figured that would be my cue to make an exit.

Anywho this eastern European (maybe Polish, she definitely wasn't German) woman came up to me on my way back from the toilet... I really didn't know what she wanted but she was obviously drunk and pissed off, the music was loud and I wasn't really in the mood for a labored conversation's basically after a bit I gave up on the conversation gave her a smile and turned to walk away...

At which point she grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back and starts shouting into to my face while still holding on to my hair...

So I'm in shock for a few seconds and then I just went mental... I started punching her in the face... which caused her to let go... she was a bit shocked now, I was still punching her and I remember she was bleeding...

She was a good bit bigger than me and she started to try and grab me but mainly ended up with clumps of my dress and hair... Though I got pretty badly scratched and marked from where my clothes cut into my skin as she pulled them..

In the end I ended up putting her down with a punch to stomach. I was ready to start kicking her (harsh I know) but she threw up ... which was kind of nasty...

There were two blokes nearby who were shouting I guessed they were friends of hers, but my boyfriends mates were stopping them from getting near me...

If you think my bf was trying to break the fight up you'd be wrong he was cheering as loud as he could and so were his mates. Like I said it was the army and their attitudes were a wee bit different from civvies..

After it ended I was just standing there, my heart was raising, I remember having a bit of a headache coming on... I was pissed because she had ripped my top and I was just thinking 'What the fuck just happened'...

Anywho my bf came up to me and told me he'd take me home which sounded good... The bar staff wanted us gone anyway... If it had been England there would have been bouncers but things tend to be a bit more sedate in Germany.

Anywho instead of leading me out the front my bf took me out the back to the car park and over to a corner at the park that wasn't lit where he proceed to lean my against a wall and rip my knickers off.

I don't usually do sex in dodgey places, but my bf was quite perceptive and sensed that I might be up for it, he didn't actually say anything... I was trying to decide if I even wanted sex because my head was still spinning. It felt kind of like a mixture between being stoned and drunk, alternating between high and low..

I kind of enjoyed him fucking me cause the sensation was different than normal... as he was doing it I was just replaying what had happened inside.. my mind concentrated on that rather than on the sex... which is why my first orgasm kind of snuck up on me...

I hardly ever have multiple orgasms so after I came I was basically just waiting for him to finish when I orgasmed again... which kind of set my bf off more...

Then he pulled out of me and goes to take my up the bum... Anal sex was only something I let him do very rarely.. but for some reason the mindset I was in I didn't really mind...

Anywho I was so hyped up I didn't feel much pain (though I did later) it was the only time I ever orgasmed from anal sex... and again my bf was pretty hyped up about it...

When we got home he absolutely hammered me for what seemed ages...

The next morning I was absolutely aching, I had cuts and bruises I hasn't noticed at the time but I felt them now, plus I was aching from the sex, I hadn't prepped for the anal sex and it felt bad ... vaginally I didn't feel any better...

Apart from the Cuts and bruises there was what felt like a really bad hangover...

I was lying in bed a little pissed off with my bf being so rough with me when he fucked and I was still just think 'What the Fuck happend'...

I mean the sex was good it was exciting, I had never had three orgasms one after the other like that before.

I felt good after a bit for actually winning the fight. To be honest I liked the way my boyfriends regard for me increased. He was very image conscious and I'd looked good in front of his mates which to him was very important..

I know it sounds shallow of both him and me but that's just the way it worked... Sexually things got really good, he seemed to have this new energy when he was fucking me and it was good...

On an intellectual level I get that the adrenaline from being in the fight was still in my system when he fucked me outside but still, my thoughts on it are different every time I think about it.

Hubby's difficult relationship with Oral sex.

Hubby was the first man I was with that wouldn't let me go down on him. Hubby had some strange ideas generally about sex but this was really odd.

Basically I like to use oral sex as a kind of a tool. If I've already climaxed then rather than keep on getting pounded while I get dryer I'll just give the bloke a blowjob... Easy.

So the first time I tried it with hubby it was just foreplay... He hadn't actually gone down on me but he did kind of work kisses around my vagina and labia... which actually worked for me cause I'm not a big fan of recieving oral sex... but a few kisses and a little attention was actually quite nice.

Anywho when I went to go down on him he stopped me. I asked him what was wrong.. and he just said " I don't think we're in that kind of relationship..."

"what kind of relationship?..." I asked getting a bit suspicious.

"A casual one... I want to make love to you properly..." ... That statement I like and it made me relax a little.

"So you don't like women going down on you"

"well yes but I don't want to include it in our sex life".... which was a strange statement..

"So you like getting blowjobs... but you don't want me to do it..." Straight away I thought.. right he's got ideas about blowjobs he thinks women that do them are sluts..

"I'd prefer we didn't..."

"Right I've given quite a few blowjobs to different men... so if you have any negative opinions I suggest you reasses them.." I was getting annoyed.

"No it's just I just see this relationship in a different way to other ones I've had and I want to start our sex life differently"

I quite liked that and as I wasn't addicted to sucking men off I said fine no problem..

Anywho after a while I realised that I kind of relied on oral sex...

I'd climax and he wouldn't be anywhere near ready.. I got a bit miffed after the first few times... I'd typically get dry and sore well before he'd climax.. I had a go at him for not wanting me to go down on him... his answer was that it was fine that he could take it or leave it...

Then I stated to reasses it and thought fuck it I should really be able to have vaginal sex with a man from start to finish.

So at first hubby started declaring it was okay that he was fine, that if I wasn't able to keep going that was fine. I kind of got a bit annoyed at that I declared it was a non starter and that we'd work something out.

So the sex started to get a bit more involved. I should probably point out that hubby is fairly well endowed,, so even if I applied loads of lube the sex still got painful fairly quickly.

So I started off by stopping using condoms. Normally I'd wait longer in a relationship, and for the bloke to get an std test,, but I was all clear and I knew hubby had just gotten out of a relationship and there was zero chance..

I thought that would make more of a difference, I tried just grinning and bearing but most of the time it really got painful. I experimented with using loads of lube but what it just made him last longer, he's one of those guys that the more friction the better. If I really clenched up that would make him finish quicker as well but there was only so long I could keep that up.

In the end I tried a different tack and would just get in his lap and put him inside me, I'd just concentrate on keeping myself wet and relaxed and him hard.. I would thrust or anything just keep just keep while clenching up occassionally. just chatting and snogging a little, the longer he was erect even without actually thrusting the faster he'd come.

Even though I'd stay relaxed I wouldn't be able to stay wet so I'd have to use loads of lube... poor old hubby thought he was failing somehow when I'd take him out to apply some.

Anywho I learned to tell when he got a little bit tense, and just go hell for leather for a few minutes which would usually make me climax and hubby wouldn't be long after... It was a bit of a pain sometimes but it was really worth it and I think the sex really did help build our relationship up.

I do give hubby oral now but that's more complicated still.

Hubby and rough sex.

I suppose if I went to a psychiatrist he might be able to explain to me why I like for sex to occassionally border on the violent. In fact huuby suggested once that I do just that.

I got a bit cross we'd known each other for about 6 months and I was attempting to ease him into doing stuff sexually that I knew was outside his range of experiences.

I think my problem was that instead of just flat out telling him what I wanted him to do, I kind of tried to manipulate him, like I'd done with previous boyfriends.

I tried to make it a bit of a game at first, I'd wriggle away from him wouldn't cooperate when he tried to undress me stuff like that. With previous boyfriends this method had worked fine then after a while just when we were getting borderline I'd set out the rules, what they could and couldn't do (you'd be surprised the amound of blokes that think that if you're into rough sex then you're up for being bummed) and maybe work out a safe word.

Actually a safeword is a big thing, even though I've never had to actually say one. Once you tell a guy that you should use a safeword... they go wow!!! this must be extreme.

You'd actually be surprised the amount of guys that aren't into it. Being rough with women takes it out of a lot of men.. even if at first they think they might like sometimes they discover that once they start ... well they just don't have it in them.

Anywho back to hubby... he wasn't too keen and he was a bit perplexed when I tried to ease him into it. So I had to straight up tell him what I wanted.

So he summed it up "I'm going to undress you and you're going to try and stop me as forcefully as you can"

"Yep" I said . I explained that we'd stop once we reached that point. "you can slap me if you want or just spank me"

"I won't be doing that" he said pretty emphatically

"treat it like a game" I said

"it's a game for you" he said kind of judgementally I thought.

Anywho in the two years we've been doing it his method hadn't really changed. It's actually the most straight forward way I suppose. I was surprised when He did it the first time.

I was used to wrestling a little bit, with previous boyfriends I'd punched, kicked and scratched and gotten slapped about a little.

Anywho as hubby told me afterwards I'm fairly strong for my size so why take any chances. He simply put me on the ground on my chest put his knee on my back and methodically stripped me.

This was a bit of a downer at first cause I could struggle as much as I wanted and not get anywhere. later I remembered something I read once about going limp for a few minutes then making a sudden surge and breaking free.Hubby learned quick though.

I go a bit nuts when he's doing it, I still go all out to break free... but really I'm just gagging for him to shag me. Occasionally I'll just orgasam by rubbing against him while he's doing it.

It's bit frustrating because as he's so careful not to hurt me he takes absolutly ages to undress me.

What is very frustrating is that up untill recently he'd insist on a cooling off period. I used to be gagging for it but he'd insist on us stopping for ten minutes or so. Typically we'd move from the living room to the bedroom to have sex.

The sex upstairs lasts just long enough for me to orgasm, then we stop and cuddle for a while, typically I go a bit girly for a bit, then we shag again and he orgasms. (though not me this time)

Anywho a few months ago I was going through a stressful period. We were doing our thing in the living room he'd just finished stripping me and taken his knee off my back, when he just went into me.

It was absolutly phenomenal. He was only in me for 15 seconds max and I just exploded. I think he got a bit freaked out actually.

I don't know what happened to me but afterwards I just got all weepey and more girly than usual. I think the stress was part of it. I just curled up his lap for half and hour and went to sleep, he didn't even get to shag me for his own benefit like normal.

Anywho this was something that I wanted to happen again. It's not something that I was going to get very far discussing with him, he'd only done it because I was going through a tough patch, and it was obvious he wasn't happy with it at all. So I figured I'd have to give something as well.

Hubby doesn't like it when I don't wear knickers so for the next few days I made a big show of putting them on. He also likes me to wear girly undies rather than overtly sexual ones, so that was two things. I also started wearing nighties to bed instead of T-shirts.

Anywho the following week when we did it again, I was all poised when he'd finished stripping me and then... nothing.. he made me wait the usual time.. I was gutted.

I still felt I was on the right path though... so I did the one thing I knew hubby wanted sexually. I hate shagging after I work out.. I always have.. I'm usually knackered feel sweaty and icky and all I want is a bath.. But the only time hubby ever gets really overtly sexual with me is when he sees me sweaty and in my sports kit..

I've let him do it a few times on special occassions and sometimes I've faked it as in I wasn't actually working out I just change into my gear and spray a bit of water strategically ( though I realised after a while that he could tell)

So the next day I timed my run for his lunch break... It actually ruined my pace cause I really didn't feel like having to face sex on the way around.

So I got back a few minutes after him discreetly applied some lube and assumed the postition over the kitchen table.

He loved it I hated it... both of us knew it.

The next day wasn't the usual day for our little session, but he dragged me into the living room anyway... it was absolutly brilliant I knew he was going to shag me even before he raised my hips after he'd stipped me like before, It was as good as the first time which is to say mind blowing. I would have preferred if he'd orgasamed as well but I understand that he wants to keep the whole session in a little box marked for my benefit only.

I was surprised I had the same reaction as before I cried a little and just wanted to cuddle, though this time after an hour or so I remembered to actually initiate sex again..

I know its strange that neither of us actually orgasmed with the other but I suppose everybody has some wierdness in there lives.