I came really close to masturbating last night.. I didn't even notice myself doing it at first.. I'd had a drink went to bed started to toss and turn for a while and the next thing I know I'm fingering myself...
I have kind of negative views on masturbation.. I was always a big believer in a second class shag being better than a first class wank. Of course I have masturbated but it's always been very much a kind of frustrated pissed off wank rather than the whole bubble bath and alone time thing that a lot of my mates do.. I actually turned to sex with women (well it was basically just mutual masturbation) mainly because I couldn't stand the though of sexual activity by myself..
I kind of instilled my negative views on masturbation in my husband. When I went to Afghan I told him I was intending not to masturbate for the whole time because the sex would be better when we got back... It was hard at times especially when I got pissed off with it all and just wanted to relieve tension... But the sex was really good when I got back on R and R and when I finished the tour..
I think removing masturbation as an option is what makes our sex life so good... I mean at first the sex was pretty bad... but over the course of 6 months I went from having some of the worst to the best sex of my life.
Anywho hubby is away for a few days and last night I just felt really well... you know...
I like to seperate missing someone sexually from missing them as a person.. when I told him today I was missing having sex with him (as well as him) he offered to come home for a few hours...
He's done that in the past... I was on exercise once and he drove 5 hours each way just to have a 15 minute shag in a shed.. He hated it ... I loved it and really needed it at the time...
I'm not that bad this time I can wait another few days...
I know it makes me sound like some nympho but I have my self control..
Incidently I'm considering sacking this blog and maybe finding some other outlet... I know I've said in the past that readers aren't important to me and I just use it to orgainise my thoughts... but the thought that people could read this but somehow aren't... well it's not very satisfying and I don't think I'm getting as much as I hoped out of it..
Showing posts with label masturbation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label masturbation. Show all posts
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Sex... well sort of...
Thinking about something to write today (I know I've been bad, like I wrote previously I don't think I have the discipline for a blog )my formative experiences with sex came to mind.
I called them formative because for good and bad my views on sex were pretty firmly established within a few months of touching a guy intimately.
So anywho back to the beginning, like I described in a previous post I was pretty lucky with my first boyfriend. Sexually I was pretty much satisfied even though I'd decided that I wasn't going to have penetrative or oral sex.
But even though I wasn't giving head and wasn't shagging I had a better sex life than the majority of my mates. Rules were the key, so when my knickers were off his boxerS were on and vice versa pretty simple.
It helped that I didn't have a overly romantic unrealistic view of sex, like I said I was pretty blessed with good sex ed at school. So I didn't expect to get under the sheets turn the lights off and have a moving experience.
In fact the sex I had at first if you could even call mutual masturbation that, would have looked pretty ridiculous to an observer if by some weird set of circumstance there was one.
So I'll describe it step by step clinically. So we'd start of by me stripping of if we were someplace safe, or just taking my knickers off if it was a bit more risky. Then we'd snog while he'd finger me until I came. Pretty straight forward so far then the difficult bit.
I remember the first time I touched/saw his erect penis. It just reinforced my decision not to have sex. It wasn't that I was repulsed I was just emphatic that it wasn't going inside me.
So anywho I'm in the buff, then I tell bf that I've changed the rules and I'm putting my knickers on. He didn't ask for a reason or anything like I said he was good like that. Now that I think about it maybe it did have an effect on him? I mean I see his penis for the first time and I immediately jump back into my knickers.
Like I said I have a fairly good knowledge of all that was supposed to happen biologically, I expected that all I’d have to do was rub him for a little bit and he’d ejaculate just like the little diagram in sex ed, I understood the concept but I was actually quite excited by seeing it first hand (lol first hand)
Anyway it didn’t happen my hand was dry and friction was a problem. When he spat on his hand to use as lube it totally put me off. It sounds a bit girly but it was my first experience with a penis directly and it was having an effect. So he made his excuses and got dressed, I think he was so used to having hard ons after snogging me he didn’t really mind.
So next day was my second attempt, this time I came prepared with a bottle of baby oil. So after his fingers worked their magic and I was back in the protective shield of my knickers I pulled him out and tried again.
I tried to do it the same way he fingered me, I snogged him while rubbing his cock thinking it would only be a matter of time till he was there. Well it didn’t happen what did happen was I got frustrated and pissed off when he didn’t come, so he threw his hands up and left. Which made me feel pretty shitty.
He was a pretty great guy and bf, and he could have gone from there to the home of a half dozen other girls and gotten a no strings shag. I think I realised I needed to get my act together cause I knew I wasn’t going to find anybody better. I was so tempted just to offwr to have sex, but it just didn’t feel right.I also realised that while I was entitled to say no, I wasn’t entitled to keep moving goal posts to leave every snogging session perfectly satisfied myself but with him frustrated.
So I wasn’t that big into apologizing we didn’t do anything at lunch the next day like we’d usually do just kind of made awkward conversation. The following day we were back in my room.
This time rather than just getting myself off straight away I kept my bra and knickers on and went straight to wanking him off. I sat astride him with the baby oil and gave it my best go, cause I wasn’t snogging him I could tell what he liked and didn’t like. He kind of manoeuvred so his cock would rub against my knickers. So I lifted myself up and started rubbing his cock against the fabric which he liked. There wasn’t really a lot of fabric in the thong I was wearing so I asked if he wanted me to change.
I think he was kind of embarrassed I had noticed, he said no at first but after I stopped (my hand was getting sore anyway) and walked over to my dresser and started pulling different pairs out of my undies drawer he asked for a girly and rather tacky yellow pair that I had worn once months before but which had obviously made an impression.
So dressed to impress I headed back and picked up where I left off. His hand was kind of awkwardly reaching down the back of my knickers then down between my legs to finger my fanny. After a bit the hand stopped lay on my arse then started moving again till his fingers started brushing around my bum.
He looked all guilty, he asked if that was all right. I thought for a sec thinking he’s expecting yet another rule isn’t he. To be honest I didn’t get why he or any other guy has any interest in fingering a girls bum, I still don’t. That was obviously what he wanted though. I think it was the guilty look he had just for touching it, I didn’t want being with me to be all guilt and rules.
So I said just one finger, which like the two finger rule I gave him for my fanny was an invitation. His face just lit up, which gave me a little buzz. It felt weird having a finger poking inside me, but it wasn’t painful.
It wasn’t there long anyway seconds afterwards I felt something hit chest, I was expecting a kind of dribble not a gooey spurt, which explained my leaping back going ‘oh shit!’
I called them formative because for good and bad my views on sex were pretty firmly established within a few months of touching a guy intimately.
So anywho back to the beginning, like I described in a previous post I was pretty lucky with my first boyfriend. Sexually I was pretty much satisfied even though I'd decided that I wasn't going to have penetrative or oral sex.
But even though I wasn't giving head and wasn't shagging I had a better sex life than the majority of my mates. Rules were the key, so when my knickers were off his boxerS were on and vice versa pretty simple.
It helped that I didn't have a overly romantic unrealistic view of sex, like I said I was pretty blessed with good sex ed at school. So I didn't expect to get under the sheets turn the lights off and have a moving experience.
In fact the sex I had at first if you could even call mutual masturbation that, would have looked pretty ridiculous to an observer if by some weird set of circumstance there was one.
So I'll describe it step by step clinically. So we'd start of by me stripping of if we were someplace safe, or just taking my knickers off if it was a bit more risky. Then we'd snog while he'd finger me until I came. Pretty straight forward so far then the difficult bit.
I remember the first time I touched/saw his erect penis. It just reinforced my decision not to have sex. It wasn't that I was repulsed I was just emphatic that it wasn't going inside me.
So anywho I'm in the buff, then I tell bf that I've changed the rules and I'm putting my knickers on. He didn't ask for a reason or anything like I said he was good like that. Now that I think about it maybe it did have an effect on him? I mean I see his penis for the first time and I immediately jump back into my knickers.
Like I said I have a fairly good knowledge of all that was supposed to happen biologically, I expected that all I’d have to do was rub him for a little bit and he’d ejaculate just like the little diagram in sex ed, I understood the concept but I was actually quite excited by seeing it first hand (lol first hand)
Anyway it didn’t happen my hand was dry and friction was a problem. When he spat on his hand to use as lube it totally put me off. It sounds a bit girly but it was my first experience with a penis directly and it was having an effect. So he made his excuses and got dressed, I think he was so used to having hard ons after snogging me he didn’t really mind.
So next day was my second attempt, this time I came prepared with a bottle of baby oil. So after his fingers worked their magic and I was back in the protective shield of my knickers I pulled him out and tried again.
I tried to do it the same way he fingered me, I snogged him while rubbing his cock thinking it would only be a matter of time till he was there. Well it didn’t happen what did happen was I got frustrated and pissed off when he didn’t come, so he threw his hands up and left. Which made me feel pretty shitty.
He was a pretty great guy and bf, and he could have gone from there to the home of a half dozen other girls and gotten a no strings shag. I think I realised I needed to get my act together cause I knew I wasn’t going to find anybody better. I was so tempted just to offwr to have sex, but it just didn’t feel right.I also realised that while I was entitled to say no, I wasn’t entitled to keep moving goal posts to leave every snogging session perfectly satisfied myself but with him frustrated.
So I wasn’t that big into apologizing we didn’t do anything at lunch the next day like we’d usually do just kind of made awkward conversation. The following day we were back in my room.
This time rather than just getting myself off straight away I kept my bra and knickers on and went straight to wanking him off. I sat astride him with the baby oil and gave it my best go, cause I wasn’t snogging him I could tell what he liked and didn’t like. He kind of manoeuvred so his cock would rub against my knickers. So I lifted myself up and started rubbing his cock against the fabric which he liked. There wasn’t really a lot of fabric in the thong I was wearing so I asked if he wanted me to change.
I think he was kind of embarrassed I had noticed, he said no at first but after I stopped (my hand was getting sore anyway) and walked over to my dresser and started pulling different pairs out of my undies drawer he asked for a girly and rather tacky yellow pair that I had worn once months before but which had obviously made an impression.
So dressed to impress I headed back and picked up where I left off. His hand was kind of awkwardly reaching down the back of my knickers then down between my legs to finger my fanny. After a bit the hand stopped lay on my arse then started moving again till his fingers started brushing around my bum.
He looked all guilty, he asked if that was all right. I thought for a sec thinking he’s expecting yet another rule isn’t he. To be honest I didn’t get why he or any other guy has any interest in fingering a girls bum, I still don’t. That was obviously what he wanted though. I think it was the guilty look he had just for touching it, I didn’t want being with me to be all guilt and rules.
So I said just one finger, which like the two finger rule I gave him for my fanny was an invitation. His face just lit up, which gave me a little buzz. It felt weird having a finger poking inside me, but it wasn’t painful.
It wasn’t there long anyway seconds afterwards I felt something hit chest, I was expecting a kind of dribble not a gooey spurt, which explained my leaping back going ‘oh shit!’
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