Bodily functions and other Ickyness.

I can't remember If I mentioned it in previous posts but I was in quite a serious accident several years ago.

I won't describe the accident but I was in a bit of a mess afterwards. While it wasn't life threatening I'd smashed myself up pretty badly. While I escaped having a full body cast, my mobility was basically non existant with lower and upper body injuries so I couldn't even shift my weight around in bed without assistance.

So as all my posts are about sex.... where you might ask does sex come into this?

Well to start things off I was lucky with both my friends and my then boyfriend.

To be honest I didn't really see him as a long term partner. I strongly suspected at the time (rightly) that he was cheating and I was looking at ending it.

However as soon as he arrived on the scene (he'd been on exercise and got back a week or so after I'd been injured) he was there for me totally.

Anywho lets have a look at life in a hospital ward. Well for starters it was a German Hospital which is so much better than practically any other hospital in the world. So I lucked out there.

By ward it was only one in the sense of 4 person rooms grouped together. The Doctors were really good though I didn't really take to the nurses...at the time I found them a little severe plus there was the language barrier.

But that's where my Boyfriend and mates came in. Once the catheter came out, simply having a pee became an ordeal lasting quite a while, and when I finally managed to Poo that was a nightmare as well (intravenous drips, no fibre in my diet, and the indignity of having an enema).

My boyfriend was able to logically work out how to shift me into position so he could take my weight so I could use a bedpan.... though it was actually a two person job, one to hold me and one to position the bedpan.

While urination was bad enough the joys of medically induced constipation made No 2s a nightmare, but my mates and boyfriend hung in there. The nurses were actually impressed and just let us to get on with it, beding visiting time rules as it took a high maintaince patient off their shoulders.

Some of the other patients were envious I think. They were restricted to having to wait for a nurse where as I always had somebody to hand.

Later there were the sponge baths... Less sexy than they sound... My Boyfriend certainly didn't get anything from it. I prefered him to do it than my mates but still it was a two person job at first.

After a while the two of them were able to get me into the shower... which was a big thing, because if you've only had sponge baths for over a month, a shower feels like heaven.

Around this time my mate suggested it might be an idea to do something for my boyfriend.I hadn't really thought about it, but it did occur to me that he didn't hae to do a fraction of the things he had. I had various Obgyn issues, so I wasn't going to be having sex for months though sometimes I still got horny, I couldn't stand to have anything rougher than a cloth on my sex.

He'd been on his best behavious spending all his free time with me... There's been no hint of him looking at anyone else (which was remarked on by all).

Anywho one day in the shower my mate discretly left and I proceeded to give him a blowjob...

It was an asbolute disaster, Considering he was pretty highly sexed I kind of took it as a reflection on me that I couldn't get him hard let alone get him off.. I felt pretty shit afterwards... He made all sorts of excuses but at the end of the day getting a blowjob from someone in a wheelchair wasn't his scene.

So I was in the dumps for a while...I was starting my physiotherapy and starting to get my mobility back. My mate hit on the idea of casts aside trying to tart me up.. So out came the wax strips... As well as my waxing my legs my pubes needed to go...

I'd shaved my pubes since I was a teenager so when they grew back they were like wire... I got a bit of tut tuting from the Obgyn when she saw me next (women obgyns are far more judgemental than me) but it was worth it as my boyfriend liked what he saw...

tbc

I want your opinions (all six of you)

I demand some interaction from my massive readership... I realise that I'm a bit of a mong when it comes to the layout of the blog but hey... computers and I don't get on that well..

I also realise I'm a bit of a lazy moo when it comes to posting...

Anywho I had given up on this blog untill I started thinking about this bloke I shagged years ago...

I was chatting with a mate on facebook recently, (indulging in my hobby of Re-evaluating my sexual history) about this guy we knew when we were in the army. Well actually I shagged him a few times but..

Anywho he was a pretty terrific bloke and pretty shit hot in bed, he'd said at the beginning he wasn't looking for a relationship but after spending a bit of time with him I was starting to think it was my loss. So after a few nights we finished on pretty good terms.

The thing about the army was that everybody knew everybody else’s business even though I asked him to be discrete I fully expected everybody to know when we got back to camp. But this guy was so secretive, and I wasn't telling anyone cause I'd broken my own rule about not shagging anyone on camp.

Anywho nearly a year later I'm drinking with some a mate and some other girls that were in same garrison and he came up in conversation, and one of them blurts out that she'd shagged him. Someone else had been making jokes about him being gay he didn't have a gf and nobody ever saw him with any women.

So then another one of my mates blurted out that she'd shagged him as well, and so on until we realised (and I know it sounds incredible) that of the 8 of us there he'd shagged 5.

Everybody said the same thing it lasted a few nights he said he didn't want a relationship and he wanted to keep it a secret. In my case he hadn't really had to encourage me cause like I said I'd always said I wouldn't shag anybody on camp.

So at first we got pissed although as we thought about it he was a good guy. Probably the only one any of us had met in the army that could keep a secret from his mated about who they were shagging. Any other bloke would have boasted to everyone he met about shagging another squaddie.

There was one slightly creepy aspect to it he was given to taking knickers as souvenirs. When he whipped mine of me (I was in a really good mood) I kind of figured they might end up in a drawer with a load of other womens but I didn't realise how big the drawer would have to be and that they would be filled with my mates.

Anywho anybody else ever come across a guy like this. Secretive not given to boasting or kiss and tell. In all the blokes I've met I never even heard of anyone like him. When I think about it now I'm even more curious...

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