Friday, January 23, 2009

What's a pair of Knickers between friends?

I've been bad, blogs take discipline and I knew I'd struggle getting into a routine anywho.. I've been thinking again about weird sexual experiences I've had. Not actual sex but occassions when sex stuck its head in and fucked everything up. Quasi sexual is that a term lol. So rather than just let stuff gather dust in my head here's one.

On an army exercise years ago, myself and a guy I was good mates with spent two weeks living out of a truck at the edge of the exercise area. Anyway normaly in a mixed sex unit sending one guy and one woman out by themselves just wouldn't happen.(There should have been three of us but no matter...) But he was a pretty level guy and I had a reputation for not shagging guys I worked with so we were considered safe.

I'll say right now nothing sexual happened, we got on really well. Its hard to live in close quarters with the opposite sex, but he was really considerate. In other situations like that I'd usually shoot away in the morning to get changed and washed with whatever privacy I could get. But with him I could get changed in the back of the truck and trust him completley to keep his back turned.

So when on exercise you don't have access to a laundry and as theres only a finite amount of spare clothes you can pack, so basically you wear the same shirt trousers and jacket all the time and all you change is your bra, knickers and t-shirt. Bras in particular are total sweat magnets and you get really icky rashes if you're not careful.

Anywho typically I'd wear mens boxers rather than knickers, because, they were cheap, I didn't want my own being ruined and I could wear them like shorts for modestys sake. So in the moring I'd tell K to turn his back then once I changed my undies and t-shirt I'd tell him he could turn around.So i'd potter around in my t-shirt and boxers for a bit cause all my bits were safely covered. Occassionally as well if we were just going to be waiting in the truck I'd discreetly slip my bra off just for a few hours comfort. Anyway this one morning rather than change into boxers I changed into an old set of knickers I had, they were girly and pink but not provocative. The reason being my period was due to start and the boxers didn't really work with pads.

Anywho if you've stuck with this long rambling story untill now I'll get to the point. What happened next was the one time in my life that a mans called me a slut in all seriousness. I stood up to put my trousers on and he just went ape shit, saying that I couldn't just traipse around dressed that way, that I was trying to provoke him etc etc then the slut word appeared.

So I went crazy then we were both sitting in the back of a truck in the middle of nowhere. Anyway after a while we both calmed down I thought he might apologize, he didn't. So we had another 5 days of uncomfortable silence. In the future I made sure he didn't see me in any underwear boxers or knickers. the whole thing just left me shaken.

I totally fell out with guy, I should have left it to cool down and then talked about it. To be honest he never discussed it with anybody else either cause its the type of thing that a gossip hungry unit would have loved. I can kind of guess his thinking, one minute I'm an honorary bloke next minute 'oh no' she's a girl again.

Anywho its weird actually writing it out has brought back details I'd forgotten.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'm going to try and free myself from the whole blog as a diary kind of thing and just talk about whatever I feel like. It annoys me that hubby won't let me tell the story about how we met in polite company. He'll just say yeah we met at a party then give me an intense look to remind me that there's no need to flesh out the details (it was actually a dinner party so imagine a party and then add pretentious food and coversation and remove anything remotely fun)

My sister had invited me with her then bf. She begged me to go to make up the number as her dickhead bf was making such a fuss out of it. Anywho I had just gotten back from Iraq (I was in the army, that's actually a key part of the story lol it's good to edit isn't it?) and was on post tour leave but I was staying in camp for the first few days before I went on holiday to cyprus with some mates.

Anywho it was just awful, there was one other single bloke there but neither of us was interested. Then there was this shrew who kept wanting to talk about the wars in Iraq and afghanistan (apparently they were both all my fault) and her mate and and my sisters bf who were apparently her little cohorts kept pushing her along.

So anywho I just started to get drunk on the wine (some more snide comments but it made the company bearable) and just nodded and smile. But this shrew's bf kept interrupting everybody and saying they should all listen to my opinion. I actually didn't have any opinion, but I was quite chuffed that he cared what I thought so I did my best to form one quick time. So I spouted some nonsense which he didn't actually agree with but managed to rephrase for me so it didn't sound quite so witless, and he managed all this without being condescending.

Anyway future hubbie is looking red hot right about now, and I'll be honest the fact that he's the shrew's gf only makes him more appetising. So i'll skip through dinner to when I managed to get him alone in the hall and put my knickers in his hand and whispered that it would be worth his while nipping upstairs with me for 10 mins.

Of course he didn't. I was v shocked and v upset,. So I went back to the table and just got more progressively drunk.

Anywho I'll skip ahead and make clear why the story of how I met hubby isn't really one I can't tell in polite company. I was very drunk struggling to walk drunk I was also getting a bit aggressive towards the shrew.

Anywho how to get me back to camp, my dimwit sister was going to call me a minicab, untill future hubbie pointed out that he wasn't going to put a woman that could barely walk into a cab alone. So he was going to drive me back to camp and shrew and her mates were taking a cab (he's actually teetotal)

Anywho Shrew wasn't happy, I was sensing that my oppurtunity was coming around again, it wasn't.

On the trip back he managed to fend off my several attempts to fellate him, he also ignored my suggestions of good places to pull over.

anywho back to camp, I'm still not sure how he managed to get onto camp, I think what happened was he asked for a female member of the guard which there wasn't. He wasn't prepared to leave me in an all male guardroom (which I don't blame him for) and wanted a female to take me back to the room.

The guard commander couldn't care less he wanted me to make my own way back to my bunk. But future hubby wasn't having it. So the guard commander sent us both on our way he shouldn't have he didn't know hubby from adam, but I think cause he was dressed smart and spoke confidantly he intimidated the guard commander a little.

Anyway back to my room, where I had one last try confidant this would be the one. No chance. So i chucked off my dress which must have caught him by surprise cause I wasn't wearing any undies now and got into bed and that was all I remember. He actually left the knickers I gave him in my laundry basket.

So yet another turn as a social hand grenade. Any who a few days later when I was about to leave on holiday I got a call from the guard room someone was at the gate for me and i didn't recognise the name. It was future hubby, asking if I wanted to do to dinner, anyway I was getting ready to leave so we just went to a cafe for a tea.

He'd chucked his missus, I was fucking astounded. I was embarressed and got angry about what he expected to happen. But he was perfectly calm and let me rant for a bit, and I left with his phone number. He actually woudn't take my mobile no cause he said he didn't intend annoying me.

Anyway I didn't play the usual game of making him wait, the flight to cyprus was long enough. I rang him in the airport got his email and spoke to him 2 or 3 times a day along with long sessions in the internet cafe.

So thats it I came close to having a shag a few times but I just didn't feel like it. The whole holiday was intended as a shagfest so my mates got a bit pissed with me and I got dumped. So I was reduced to sightseeing around one of the most staggaring beautiful islands in the world !! imagine

What would happen is future hubby would research where I should go, then off I'd go and see it. It was quite strange having all this interaction with a guy thousands of miles away waiting for me when I got back.